Shatru (a foe)
is an antonym to Mitra (a friend) in
Marathi. Abir, my son, had to write it as an answer in his mid-term examination.
He wrote 'I don't know' as an answer,
because he simply didn't know. He should have known, but didn't. There's a
lesson about this strange human relation in the text books and he must have
forgotten. Then I thought how wonderful it is if we don't know the antonym of a
friend! What if a foe didn't exist at all?
Abir is now eight years old and he might
have known the opposite of friends. He might have forgotten during the exams.
But I feel like he does not know the term a rival or an enemy. Kids don't have
foes among their friends of their age. They might think us, the parents, as
their enemies which they confirm once they enter into their adolescence. (Well,
that's fate!) Recently, I reacted harshly to some of his mischiefs. He didn't
expect my such reaction at all. It took me a moment or two to realise what I
had done. But the damage was done already and I could read it in his innocent eyes.
They started welling up. But his ego didn't permit them to flow down. I felt so
miserable of myself at that time. Laden with guilt, I tried to be over nice at
that time. My wife understood this and she started the talking. He was not
ready to meet my eyes. I thought it was because he was angry and that was right
too. But I was wrong. It was an attempt to hide tears from me which I realised
later on. After a couple of sentences he was back to normal, smiling and jovial
once again. But I was still in a shock and guilt. I was still in that damage
control and repair mode. Now, he was perfectly alright. Sans any grudges,
without any hatred. It was me who felt of his resentments. I was scared of what
if he hated me.
I remembered myself as a child. I had
plenty of friends and space to let the childhood imaginations wild, back in a
small town in Konkan. When I was around Abir's age, I had a fight with one of
my best friends during the first short break. We used to have 2-3 breaks if I
remember correctly. It was a huge fight. A physical fight. A fight fight.
Fists. Kicks. And even belts. We both were hit real bad. We had to be separated
by other friends only when they realised that they had enough fun. Finally, it
was over. My friend and I used to sit side by side. But we sat separately that
day and didn't talk. In fact we talked through others.
There was a drawing period, after the break
and my friend was damn good at it. Even our teachers used to admire his
drawing. On the contrary, I was a kind of artist who had to give a little
description if I drew even a sunrise scene. So, as usual I had nothing much to
do. I was trying hard to draw something that could be recognised at least, not
a masterpiece though. And my friend was drawing fabulously as always. He had
this magic in his hands. A pencil in his hand would do wonders when it touched
a paper. He was at it, bringing alive those dead pieces of stainless steel in a
weird installation put on the table.
We used to sit on the ground back then.
There were no benches. It was an ideal thing to sit down at least for a drawing
class. Our teacher told us to draw that form and disappeared the way he used
to. I hadn't much to do once I finished my drawing, which took place exactly in
seven minutes. I put my paper down and looked around. I had partners in this
crime. It was all as usual. They were also done as I did. My friend was still
drawing like he was meditating. He was totally into it. Engrossed. He had a
style of drawing such things. He would stare long at the form kept on the
table, as if reading it, absorbing it, being one with it and then suddenly he
would put his pencil on paper. Then he would hardly look up. He used to finish
it from start to end without looking at the model. Then he would turn to his
colours once he's finished with his pencil.
That day too he was drawing with full focus
on the paper and pencil. His pencil was literally dancing on some rhythm. That
was a wonderful sight to watch. I always used to watch it. How can someone be
so into something? Most of us used to look at drawing as just another subject.
I was watching him that day too. He was drawing intensely with all his
attention. There was a boy passing stumbled upon something and fell on our
friend who was drawing. It not only broke his rhythm, but his pencil too was
forced to detour on the paper and there was a long awkward black line on his nearly
perfect drawing as a cruel scar on a face. The boy who stumbled upon laughed at
the drawing and that was it. We (yes including me), who already had finished
our drawings, started hitting that boy. Suddenly, the teacher came, so we had
to put our fists into our sheaths. Everything seemed back to normal to the
teacher. He asked us to wind up soon and again he went out. Now, our artist
friend erased the wrong line and finished his drawing. I was so happy. I
congratulated him. He accepted it gracefully. The drawing period was over soon.
During the next break we, I, the friend with whom I had a fight and also the
one who laughed at my friend's drawing, were all playing Kabaddi as a part of the
same team. We didn't even remember what had happen among us a while ago on the
same day.
There might be many such incidents of our
childhood, I don't even remember. All of us, even you, must have such fights
with our friends. The best part of my fight was I never felt, even once, that
he nor the other guy was my foe. Everyone was a friend back then. The only
difference was we had a fight. That's all!
It was a reminder again with these
incidents with my son that every bad emotion is temporary at his age. The best
part is there's no apologies and forgiveness. It's all unsaid. It's all
approved. They have their katti-battis. They decide not to talk to someone for
a while. But for that, they take the consent of the person whom they decide not
to talk and then again they both agree upon when to talk. When ego inflates then
people start to think that they are bigger to others. Then the problem starts.
We don't want to talk to our friends unless they want to talk to us. We start
assuming more and talk less. We hardly go up to them and ask the reason,
instead we imagine and moreover confirm the reasons of non-talking.
It's not with animals. They don't fight.
They don't avenge. They kill other animal because it's their food. They would
die if they didn't. But we humans capture that struggle for survival in our
cameras and brand them as a war. We enjoy that so called war as our primetime
entertainment. Survival and peace are two aspects and both of them exist as our
natural instinct. That might be the reason these two emotions are predominantly
found in children. But slowly they fade as we grow up like they had shown in Inside Out.(Watch that movie by the way.
Amazing!)
Abir tells about the fun at his school. He
keeps on losing his erasers, pencils or his Poke-cards. But he never blames his
friends. There're races, but no competitions. There are winners, but no losers.
Childhood is pure. Innocent. Then what happened to us, adults? Has our
education really rotten our minds? Why can't there be friends all over and not
foes at all? What if we fight and then forget about it? Why can't we be just
children all the time and not adults, at all? What if all were mitras & none of us had shatrus?
